..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
where am i from again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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