please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
