Whod you bang
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
