I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
