it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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