WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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