toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
