That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
