this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
50% drunk capacity currently
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
