Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
