i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
