put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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