actually, I'm a sock model
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The Olympian is in my bed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
