Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
