If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
