Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
