he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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