I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
