i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
