Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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