last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
