The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
