Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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