Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we should paint friendship bongs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize