And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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