when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize