I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
