It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
