wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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