She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
