my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
