There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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