it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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