oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
