i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
