I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
