so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
