so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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