Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
