You can't special order awesome
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
