you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
