I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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