I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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