Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im holly from the hills drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
