So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
