I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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