I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
