you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
