So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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