This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
