Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
