She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
