I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We have so much sex to catch up on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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