is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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