her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
