Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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