So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
