is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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