guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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