please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
