His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
