I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
