She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Are we still banned from the library?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
