I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
