dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
