put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
