Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
