This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
