The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
