I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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