no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
