At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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