You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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