Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize