we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize