why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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