my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
