Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
