No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
