WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
