im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize