I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize