Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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