But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
