I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
