I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
