Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
