I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
