My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Watching her eat just hurts me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
