Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
