I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
