If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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