Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
