OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
