I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
