I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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