I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
