haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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