We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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