I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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