We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
