I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
